Where to retire

[Bramster]

Here are some of your choices:

You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where...
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your bottom from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??
7. You’ll eventually need to pack heat as well as have to suffer from it!

OR

You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

OR

You can retire to New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (Ed. Note if you have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

OR

You can retire to Minnesota where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

OR

You can retire to the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.

OR

You can retire to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

OR

You can retire to the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

OR

FINALLY You can retire to Florida where.
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2.. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

[Dento]

[guinevere]

Haha, wat een fijne keuzes ... als ik toch moet kiezen de mij dan maar het midwesten.

[Georgie]

Hahaha leuk! Moet zeggen dat Colorado mij het meeste aanspreekt. Who would've thought

[Bennogr]

Grappig. Maar waarom wordt de ideale plek om met pensioen te gaan niet genoemd? Brooklyn.

[Corry]

Ik blijf thuis!!!!

[SemJes]

Haha heel leuk. Ik vind die "You know when you're from .... " ook altijd erg grappig, lijkt er een beetje op.

[Bandido]

Leuk bedacht! Niks spreekt me echt aan moet ik zeggen, maar als ik dan toch moet kiezen, dan maar New York City.

[DixieChick]

LOL - grappig!

[Petra/VS]

Haha heel leuk. Ik vind die "You know when you're from .... " ook altijd erg grappig, lijkt er een beetje op.

Die vind ik ook altijd leuk! Ik ging eens op zoek of er een daarvan is voor ons gebied en jawel en het klopt heel erg:
You Know You're From/live in Northern Virginia If...

1. Speed limits are just suggestions
2. You take a major highway to get anywhere (95, 66,28, etc)
3. You constantly complain about there being nothing to do, even though you are right next to DC
4. You have at least 2 friends who have no idea what their parents do because its "top secret" government work
5. 50% of your senior class went to either Mason, JMU, Tech, Radford, or UVA
6. When people ask where you're from, you tell them DC because its easier to explain
7. You've never told someone you're from Virginia without putting "northern" in front of it
8. You dread going to the DMV for anything
9. Its not actually tailgating unless your bumper is touching the car in front of you.
10. A yellow light means at least 5 more cars car get through.
11. A red light means 2 more can.
12. It takes you 30 minutes to drive 10 miles
13. Your local news is national news
14. If you hear the word "sniper" one more time you're going to slap someone
15. You actually know what the black boxes at stoplights are for
16. You drive at least 30 miles a day to get to work
17. You do your Christmas shopping online b/c the shopping malls are like parking lots
18. Despite the fact that Virginia fought for the south in the Civil War, you are NOT, under ANY circumstances, a "southerner"
19. You know that each high school in the region had it's own corresponding McDonald's.
20. You know at least 2 people who drive a mercedes, BMW, Lexus, etc.
21. The cars in the local high school's student parking lot are woth 3x those in the teacher parking lot.
22. You are amused by visiting relatives who are actually excited to see Washington DC
23. You are amazed when you go out of town and the people at McDonalds speak english
24. You can cross 4 lanes of traffic in under 30 seconds
25. There are at least 3 malls within 20 minutes of your house
26. There are at least 6 Starbucks within 20 minutes of your house
27. You or someone in your family has a Smart Tag
28. You remember the Air and Space museum fondly from school fieldtrips to DC
29. When traveling, you have your choice of 3 airports
30. You don't actually like the Wizards (except when Jordan was playing)
31. An inch of snow and you miss 3 days of work
32. All the potholes just add a little excitement to your driving experience
33. Stop signs mean slow down a little, but only if you feel like it
34. A rich white kid driving a BMW while blasting rap music is a common occurance
35. You call things "ghetto" even though in most of the rest of the country it'd be high class
36. You don't have enough room on your home lot to build a garage
37. You know where to find Midgetville
38. When you were driving on the beltway at 2:13am on a Tuesday there was still traffic
39. Crown Victoria = undercover cop or Teresa Smoot
40. A slow driver is someone who isn't going at least 10mph over the speed limit
41. You understand the meaning of "If you don't get it, you don't get it"
42. Subway is a fast food place. The transportation system is known as Metro, and only Metro
43. You've taken a wrong turn somewhere late at night and ended up in a bad part of DC
44. Most of Loudoun County is the "middle of nowhere"
45. They just tore down the old farm house across the street and put 12 new houses in its place
46. You know who Elliott is.
47. Someone has honked at you because you didn't peal out the second the light turned green.
48. You've honked at someone because they didn't peal out the second the light turned green.
49. Two words: rush hour
50. For the cost of your house, you could own a small town in Iowa
51. Helicopters, F-15s, and airplanes flying above your neighborhood is a normal occurance.
52. If you stay on the same road long enough, it will eventually have 3 new names.

[Dento]

Die zijn inderdaad altijd leuk... Ik heb er ook voor Colorado en Denver in het bijzonder...

You know you’re from Colorado when…
1. You switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in one day
2. You're able to drive 65 miles per hour through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without even flinching.
3. You can never figure out why your out-of-town guests faint from altitude sickness on a picnic to the mountains.
4. You can drive over a 12,000-foot pass in 4 feet of snow, but can't get to work if there are 4 inches of snow.
5. You have surge protectors on every outlet.
6. You know what a 'Rocky Mountain Oyster' is.
7. Your golf bag has a 9-iron, a 3-wood and a lightning rod.
8. SPF 90 is not out of the question.
9. People from out of state breathe 5 times as often as you do.
10. You think a red light means 3 more cars can go.
11. Where we're going, we don't need roads!!
12. You know where the real "South Park" is.
13. Driving directions usually include 'Go over _________ Pass.'
14. You've dressed in shorts, sandals, and a parka with a hood.
15. You've urinated on the Continental Divide just so it could 'run into both oceans'

You know you’re from Denver when…
1. You're not sure if Colorado extends west of the Rockies.
2. Your sense of direction is: west is towards the mountains, east is away from the mountains, going north means the mountains to your left, going south means the mountains to your right
3. During a thunderstorm you wonder which I-25 underpass is flooding.
4. You own a big dog named Aspen, Buck, Cheyenne or Dakota that wears a bandana.
5. You don't stop and look when you see deer.
6. You think that formal wear is ironed denim.
7. You've never actually been to Aspen, much less ski there.
8. The only RTD bus you've been on is the 16th Street shuttle.
9. You never plan a picnic between 3:30 and 6:00 in Spring or Summer months.
10. "Damn Rockies" is an expression you use when you can't find a parking spot Downtown.
11. When visiting friends at sea level, you can drink a case of beer and not get a buzz.

[Bandido]

Dan kan ik natuurlijk niet achter blijven - hier is You know you're from Georgia when:

1. You can properly pronounce Chickamauga, DeKalb, Dahlonega, Senoia, Buena Vista, Valdosta, Okefenokee, and La Fayette.
P.S. Atlanta = ADD-LANNA not AT-LANT-A.
P.S.S. Fayetteville = FET-VUL (the county seat of FET COUNNY)
P.S.S.S. and don’t even THINK that Houston county has anything to do with Texas!

2. You know that Forsyth is nowhere near Forsyth county, Jefferson is nowhere near Jefferson county, Jackson is nowhere near Jackson county....and the name of the Cairo High School football team is the Syrupmakers!

3. You think people who complain about the heat in their states are sissies.

4. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.

5. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.

6. Stores don't have bags or shopping carts, they have sacks and buggies.

7. You think everyone from a Yankee-state has an accent.

8. You measure distance in minutes.

9. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean.

10. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.

11. You know cowpies are not made of beef.

12. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.

13. You know someone who has a belt buckle bigger than your fist.

14. Almost everyone you know is either Baptist or Pentecostal.

15. A Mercedes Benz isn't a status symbol. A Chevy Silverado Extended Bed Crew Cab is.

16. You know everything goes better with Ranch dressing.

17. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.

18. Ironically, you only crave Chick-Fil-A on Sundays...when it is not sold.

19. On one side of the road there's Wal-Mart and on the other is a cotton field.

20. The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road."

21. Y’ALL is a word.

22. Fried chicken is a major part of your diet

23. Krispy Kreme doughnuts are the only kind of doughnuts you eat.

24. You call it a cold Christmas if you don't break out in perspiration in your new sweater.

25. When a single snowflake falls, the entire state shuts down, even if it doesn't stick. The radio and TV news will make snowstorm reports every 10 minutes and the grocery store will be completely sold out of bread, milk, bottled water and toilet paper.

26. People actually grow, eat and like okra!

27. You know the difference between a hillbilly, a redneck, and a Southerner.

28. Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.

29. Panama City Beach, Florida is a big deal.

30. You understand that at least once a year your car will turn yellow with pollen.

31. You know at least one Bubba, and maybe a few guys named Bo.

32. You say "tuna fish sandwich."

33. You use "Sir" and "Ma'am" if there's a remote possibility that the person you're talking to is least 30 minutes older than you are.

34. Braves=good. Yankees=bad.

35.You love sweet tea, mashed potatoes, biscuits, and all Southern comfort food...and Southern Comfort!

36. You know you're from GA if you know the whole “Peach State” thing only applies to those below the fall line.

37. You know you're from Georgia if you have a flip-flop tan year round

38. You know you’re from Ga if you’ve ever used "The Big Chicken" as a basis for directions.

39. You know you're from Georgia if you get dressed extra nice TWICE a week. Once on Sunday morning for church, and once on Friday night for the football game

40. You pay closer attention to the heat index than the actual temp.

And finally...

41.. You are 100% Georgian if you have ever had this conversation:

"You wanna Coke?"

"Yeah."

"What kind?"

"Dr. Pepper

En ook nog een paar voor Atlanta:

You give directions starting with, "Go down Peachtree" and include the phrase, "When you see the Waffle House."

You only know their way to work and their way home.

You only drink Coke or Diet Coke - drinking Pepsi is blasphemy.

You know to wear sneakers to the airport.

The 8:00 AM rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 AM. The 5:00 PM rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:30 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday afternoon, and lasts through 2:00 AM Saturday.

You use "Sir" and "Ma'am" if there's a remote possibility that person you're talking to is least 30 minutes older than you are.

You can Ponce De Leon Avenue correctly.

The falling of one rain drop causes all drivers to immediately forget all traffic rules.

If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days, and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a month. All the grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer.

If there is a remote chance of snow, and if it does snow, people will be on the corner selling "I survived the blizzard" tee-shirts, not to mention the fact that all schools will close at the slightest possible chance of snow.

If you are standing on a corner and a MARTA Bus stops, you're expected to get on and go somewhere.

Construction on Peachtree Street is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment, especially when a water line is tapped and Atlanta's version of Old Faithful erupts.

Construction crews are not doing their jobs properly unless they close down all major streets during rush hour.

You never go 55 on "The Watermelon 500 or the Georgia 400.

You know you're not allergic to pollen, because if you were - you'd be dead already.

You've never gone around the block and ended up on the street you started on.

You know where 'Butthead' and 'F*ckhead' are, and it's the same part of town.

You haven't been downtown at night in years

You know what "sunshine slowdown", "auto-flambe'", "topside" mean, and what color a H.E.R.O. is.

You know where PIB, JCB, FIB, MLK, PDK and "Grady curve" are, and you try to never go there during any of the nine hours of rush "hour"

You hope you are the one to spot the vehicle that is the subject of the latest "Amber Alert" which has been flashing for ten minutes on the DOT message board exactly 13.5 feet above the hood of your SUV

You've been in traffic on 85, 75, 20 or 400 (choose one) - wondering if your fuel, your cell-phone battery and your bladder will make it to the next exit, just 1/2 mile ahead

It's 4:30 pm Sunday, you're stone-cold sober and you've just finished the last left-over hot dog when you realize that in exactly 12 hours you have to get up and go to work - again

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Atlanta.

[Corry]